Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Weak Player Returns

Why have I been absent for more than a year? What was I doing in Vegas last year? What else have I been doing in that time? What am I doing now? Why did I decide to start posting again? These questions and more will be answered if you read on.

First, I would like to genuinely apologize to anyone that I left hanging and to thank you for caring enough that you were left hanging. If there aren’t any of you, that is cool. I am doing this for myself. I would love for anyone interested to come along for the ride, but this is for me. I think most bloggers probably think the same about their own blogs but may not often articulate that in their posts. For me, I was never clear on that with myself so I was always ambivalent about my posts. Add to that severe doubt and confusion about the future direction of my life, and you can see why I couldn’t commit to posting regularly.

Let me explain. When I first got interested in poker blogging and the poker blogsphere, it was because of my friend Sox Lover. He convinced me to put some posts up so I could go see what the WPBT is about. I got to like it and enjoyed it for a while. During that time, I was having a crisis with my work, with my family, and with my health. Something had to give and I decided to take a year off from work. I quit my job and did absolutely nothing for a time. That was what I needed. By the time that I started thinking about what would come next for me, things had changed again. Against all reasonable hope, my wife and I conceived a child. I started to work out in my head what I was going to do. Did I want to stay at home with my baby? Did I want to play poker for a living? Did I want to go back to what I was doing before?

About the time that I was starting to get a sense of that, things changed again. My wife lost her job. The highest priority in our lives, other than our new baby, became her getting a new job. Since her work is very high level and specialized, it could take some time for her to find a suitable position. And, it would almost certainly mean that we are moving. This added more uncertainty to my life. I tried to plan it as though we were packing and moving at any time. As the weeks stretched into months and the months into almost a year now, I woke up one day with the feeling that I must live my life to its fullest starting right that minute.

Okay, I know that sounds obvious from the outside, but it was a significant moment in a long journey for me. It was the first time in recent memory that I felt I had a purpose and I had a drive towards that purpose. How am I going to occupy myself while I am waiting to see where we are moving to and how my wife’s new job is going to change our lifestyle? By playing poker, of course.

Now, you may think: Uh duh, Weak always is playing poker. But it is different now. Before, I played to pass the time, for recreation, to avoid doing other things, for social reasons, and for any number of other reasons. But, recently, I have come to what I really want to do with poker. I want that to be my job, and I want to be successful at it. Now, don’t get all excited. It is not nearly as glamorous as it seems. Actually, it is probably, in some ways, a fairly bad job to have compared to my former life in the corporate world. But I think I can play well and improve my play. I have established to my satisfaction that I can earn at a rate that will make it worthwhile and cover our monthly expenses. Of course, I need to play a few more hands to get to the 95% confidence interval on that. But I can live with that.

I have been playing seriously since the beginning of May, so that is not a very long period. I ran the confidence intervals with my numbers and the ranges are broad. On the other hand, I have established a regime of post-play analysis and am plugging the holes in my game. I am also doing the same for my opponents: how to extract more, how to lose less for given opponents. So, even with iffy confidence numbers, I expect to beat the game sufficiently. I am not so sure that I want to get deep into on-line strategy here. It has all been done before. And if ever I were to do something new, which is unlikely, I am not about to share it with anyone that I am playing against. I think I would prefer to write on my journey as a player and where it is taking me in my life. Few hands, little strategy, mostly how my recent outlook is affecting my life, for good and for bad. At the very least, my life can serve as a warning to others.

As for what I was doing in Vegas that last time I wrote, I was there to try to beat 5/10NL. I stepped up to the game and held my own, but I did not beat it or even come close. But it was an experience I had to have, and it was at a time where I didn’t really care if I lost my entire roll. I am going back to Vegas this coming June to play. My roll will be the same, but capital preservation and win rate will be my top priorities. I will not be playing for pleasure, though I will try to have a good time. It will be interesting to see how that experience stacks up with last year, and I hope I can share that with you over the coming weeks.

8 Comments:

Blogger HighOnPoker said...

Good luck, Weak. I'm rooting for you from the sidelines. You have the talent to succeed and the intelligence to execute, so I expect great things are coming. I'd love to follow your pro life on the blog, so hopefully you can keep that up too.

A win for Weak is a win for us all. Amen.

11:05 AM  
Blogger 23skidoo said...

Good to see you post again WEAK. Hopefully I'll see you around the ATL at some point soon.

4:08 PM  
Blogger Fuel55 said...

Damn man - good to have you back. I updated my bloglines...

8:28 AM  
Blogger Weak Player said...

Hopefully I'll see you around the ATL at some point soon.

Uh very soon, I think

10:07 AM  
Blogger Bayne_S said...

Welcom Back.

10:27 AM  
Blogger Mr Subliminal said...

Good!

3:52 PM  
Blogger wrf3 said...

Good to see you back, A (I mean, "Weak"). Thanks for the update and congratulations to you and your wife! The company that bought your former employer hasn't changed things much, at least, not in your former circles.

4:49 PM  
Blogger Zeem said...

good luck, see you soon!

12:18 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home