Friday, April 28, 2006

Moving On

Okay, it has been forever since I posted, and many of you had been wondering if I would ever post again. Frankly, there has been a lot going on in my life, and it has left me drained of energy and unexcited about posting. Actually, I have not really been excited about much of anything. Except playing poker, that is. If I had stopped playing poker during this time, I think my wife would have checked me into the psych ward.

So what has changed? Well, I have identified the source of the great sucking of life force out of me. It is my job. I have come to the conclusion that the only reason I kept showing up was that I liked getting a paycheck. That’s about it. I like to be passionate about what I do. Failing that, I like to at least think that there is a useful purpose to it all. Failing that, I like to pretend that I am doing things when I show up. Failing that, I like to amuse myself until it is time to go home. It had gotten to the point where I couldn’t even do that. So, it is a time for a change.

I have been continuously employed for eighteen years. Most of them, I worked really hard, done interesting work, learned lots of new things. I have found that when I am feeling like it is time to move on to the next thing, my instincts have always been correct. I am too tired to look for another job. I don’t want more of the same at another company. I don’t want to prove myself all over again. It is time for me to rest and relax. I am taking some time off. How much? I don’t know. I did take a month long leave of absence last year. That wasn’t even close to long enough. So, this is open ended.

Do I intend to devote my life to poker? No, I don't at this time. But I certainly intend to devote more time to it. I intend to play very seriously (except when I am just playing.) So long as I am aware of the distinction and take it into account when selecting games and stakes, it should work well. I would like to post more often. I would also like to read my fellow bloggers more often. Finally, I would like to spend more time studying the game, reviewing my play and the play of my opponents. Improving my game is something that I can be passionate about. It is a reason to get up in the morning, excited to get going. It is something I want to do.

What else do I intend to do? Lots of things: cook, clean, garden, take care of my fish, build furniture, read, get in shape, sleep, work on home improvement. The list goes on and on. Just like poker, I will be most effective in these things when I have discipline and a good routine. This will take some time to develop. I will keep you posted as I progress. But, I make no promises about posting every day, even though this is my goal.

Thanks to all of my blogger friends for their support while I have been trying to summon the courage to do the right thing. Also, a special shout out to you pricks that have been needling me about not posting or reading (you know who you are); in a strange way, it has reminded me of what is important. Barring a miracle, my last day at my job will be May 26th. Also, thanks to Kat for beating me in our HU match. Her prize was that I have to post. It never felt so good to lose.